Joe Sabado – Higher Education & Technology Leadership

Easter Sunday is one of the days when many folks bemoan the privileges afforded to other folks who may not conform to their own beliefs. That we are able to express our discontents is a privilege in itself. I’m reminded of the image above which illustrates the point that when we point one finger to point out faults in others, there are three fingers pointing back at us. By no means am I suggesting for anyone to stop questioning things around us. On the contrary, I’m suggesting to question more. In the process of critiquing the beliefs and privileges of others, might as well take the time to examine our own as well.

Wouldn’t it be nice if the success and accolades given to others are not taken as threats to our own? One of the wonderful things about social media is that I get to read about the personal and professional accomplishments of my friends and colleagues. Life can be hard at times for everyone and so I welcome and enjoy the good things that happen to folks I know. I have so many colleagues who work hard behind the scenes and they unfortunately never get the recognition they deserve. I also think we live in a world wherein we don’t share our appreciations of others enough.

In a perfect world, we’d all be cheering for each other and we should be able to freely share our successes. Unfortunately, we live in a world of scarcity where the success of others can be seen as taking credit away from someone else. This can lead to crab mentality, and as described on wikipedia – “members of a group will attempt to ‘pull down’ (negate or diminish the importance of) any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, conspiracy or competitive feelings.” In my life, I’ve been on both sides. I’m not perfect after all and there were times when negative emotions got the better of me where I became jealous of other people’s success.This is something I’ve worked on as I matured and  I’ve learned to adopt the mentality that people should get the credit that they deserve. I’ve also been a victim of crab mentality in my career which almost caused me a job.

Given the negative reactions folks receive when they share their accomplishments, I think this has lead some to either stop sharing them and/or sharing them in self-effacing manner so as not to be seen as bragging. There are those who definitely can be excessive in how they talk about their good fortunes and possessions but there are also others who I think are genuine in appreciating about their accomplishments and they are excited to share them with their colleagues and friends.

We all need some encouragement from time to time and I do hope that when folks are recognized for the work and contributions they truly deserve, let’s just congratulate them.

I sometimes wonder how my ethnic identity development process would have been if social media were available during my college years in the 1990s. This was a formative time for me, when I may have been in the midst of Stage 3 (Awakening of Social Political Consciousness) and Stage 4 (Redirection) of Kim’s Asian American Identity Development Model. I wonder about this when I come across tweets and blogs that remind me of these stages of my life when learning about discrimination against Asian-Americans and from personal experience of what I perceived to be discrimination led me to be more politically aware and active. It was a time when I went through a period of discovery/exploration about my Filipino-American ethnic identity. Some may have perceived me as being angry while some may have viewed me as extreme in how I shared my pride as a Filipino-American.

As I think back to my time in college, I remember the times I watched movies and how I analyzed them from different perspectives.  For me, movies were more than entertainment. They were social and political commentaries. For example, why is it that white male characters are made to look bigger (camera angle points up) and Asian males are made to look smaller? There’s this one time we watched a Bruce Lee movie and a scene of Chuck Norris coming out of a plane was shot at an angle that seemingly focused on his crotch. While watching this scene, I expressed to my then-girlfriend that it’s Hollywood’s way of showing white male virility and proceeded to share my frustration about the portrayal of Asian men as geeks and asexual.  As the movie went on, I provided commentary on the significance of the characters and how the movie was made in relation to the history of racial discrimination against Asian Americans. By the end of this movie, she was very frustrated that she could not enjoy it. I think she even refused to go to the movies with me for a while. I had taken a course on History of Asian Americans in Media where I learned about the portrayals of Asian Americans throughout American movie history (Fu Manchu, White Peril, dragon ladies, asexual males, …).  What I learned from that class and my discussions with classmates led me to my extremely pessimistic view of the media, specifically when it came to portrayals of Asian Americans.

In relating to this day and age of social media where I see racism against Asian Americans like this or this or this, I think about how I would have reacted and expressed my views if social media were available at that time. As one who understands the capability afforded by social media as a platform to broadcast opinions/ideas to a large audience and to be able to do it anytime/anywhere with a mobile device, I wonder how my identity development during college would have been impacted by social media.

I suppose at this stage in my life, I’m in stage 5 of Kim’s model (incorporation stage) wherein I’ve come to terms with some aspects of my identity. I will note however that while my views and reactions may be less extreme, there are still many things around me today that really upset me and I deal with them in my own way. For those who read my blog, you would have read some instances of what  I perceive to be personal experiences of discrimination and unfairness. So, the struggle continues.

What’s your identity development process as it relates to social media? What role does social media play? Also, does Kim’s Asian American Identity Development Model resonate with you (if you’re Asian American)? If not Asian American, what model could you use for yourself?

I believe one of the sources of our frustrations is when our expectations do not match the realities of our situations. I’ve learned through the years to recognize what I can control or influence and those I simply need to accept as I’m in no position to change them. I’ve also learned that changing my perception and emotional response is more accessible than changing those around me. By re-framing or recognizing my control/influence boundaries, I’ve learned to minimize my frustrations and make the best of my situation.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that it’s probably easier to change myself (or my attitude) than to change others. For example, some folks are more naturally outspoken and have more dominant personalities than I do. During meetings, I’ve gotten frustrated when I’m unable to express my thoughts/ideas when the discussions are happening. Maybe it’s because I’m introverted, and it takes a lot of energy to be in these situations, or tha,t I’m just eloquent enough to verbalize my thoughts. Sometimes, these folks are way above the organizational hierarchy or from other organizations, and asking them to change their ways would probably not be the wisest nor the most effective move on my part. Given that I can’t change these folks, I’ve learned to change my attitude and expectations when attending these meetings. I’ve learned to relax and accept that these meetings are sometimes monologues, and I’m there just to listen. I’ve come to realize when decisions have already been made, I wasn’t going to waste my effort and energy having to argue my points. If I do need to convey my ideas, one of the things I do is to write them down and email them to the group before or after the meetings. I may also share my thoughts with other folks so they know where I’m coming from and can help me express them during the session. Just a side note, when I facilitate meetings, I make an effort to encourage other folks to participate and acknowledge their ideas.

Another scenario I’ve come to accept is that formal positions don’t always mean being in a position of authority. Throughout my career, I’ve led several committees and projects at our university, ranging from departmental and divisional to campus level. For the most part, my position as chair/leader of the committee/project meant I was able to have a relatively high level of influence, and I was able to shape the discussions because of my expertise and position in the organization. However, there have been times when I find myself only havingplaceition in my name. Based on the politics, personalities, or expertise of those involved, I find myself in a role with limited authority. This would have bothered me in the past, and I took it personally.  However, I’ve come to realize that as long as the project’s objective is met and the process is generally what I consider respectful and productive, I will contribute in the way I can, even if it means just scheduling the meetings. This doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t exert my “authority” as a chair/lead and adjust the direction of the discussions when needed. What it does mean is that I’ve learned to “pick my battles” and not to take my situation personally.

It’s easy to get lost in the messiness we encounter along the process. Keeping the bigger picture and end goal in mind gives us a compass to guide us along the way.

We all have ideas on how things should be. I’ve read many books on leadership, communication, and organizational management, and I sometimes forget these books are about what and how things should be in an ideal world. The reality is that these ideals could be far from our realities. Because our value systems and experiences shape our world views, we also set our expectations. When these expectations are not met, it’s when we get frustrated. Keeping in mind that our ideals are not always shared by others and accepting this fact may be the difference in how well we maintain our sanity.

image credit: http://blog.tangocard.com/2012/12/28/definition-of-insanity-and-a-real-solution-for-gift-cards/sanity-insanity-road-sign/

I write this post with the acknowledgment that I own many privileges as a male, heterosexual, college-educated, Christian, able-bodied, employed, and a person living in America. Even with these privileges, there are times when I am faced with situations that remind me of my inferiority as a person of color. It was only last week when I went to a Best Buy store, and the salesperson would not even acknowledge me when I was just a couple of feet away from him. It probably took more effort to ignore me than to say hi or say the words “how may I help you”? Did I not look like I had any money to spend? It bothers me when a server ignores my table and treats my friends and us like we don’t belong there. When a salesperson at a Nordstrom store goes out of their way to help a white couple, looking affluent, across the store and ignores me while I’m standing next to him, it bothers me. It bothered me enough I went and spoke with the store manager. I asked myself, was it my age, my look, the way I dressed? Today, a person at my university told me, unsolicited, “I didn’t wear my tie today just to feel important.” a reference to the fact that I was wearing a tie like I do most days. I half-jokingly pointed to my arm and told him, “I have to wear ties just to be equal to others because of my brown skin.”  This person says, “Oh no, I didn’t mean it that way, not at all.”  When another person jokingly, I think, asked me, “whose ass did you kiss to get to where you are?” my immediate reaction at that moment was that they were kidding and laughed it off, to wonder later on what they meant. Did they think I got to where I am through some exception or tokenism? Maybe I don’t need to prove myself, but I feel I need to prove my worth by working harder and longer hours. When a vendor I invited to demo a product chose not to look at me during his one-hour presentation and focused on my two white colleagues the entire time, I wondered why that was.

As a person of color, and an immigrant, there are things I notice that maybe my other colleagues or those around me probably don’t. It’s hard to explain, but there’s a gut feeling that things just don’t seem right where things happen. I’ve gotten a response when I’ve questioned situations: “I was too sensitive.” Am I too sensitive? I don’t know. Maybe. At some point, I stopped sharing some of my concerns so as not to hear those words. What I do know is that I sometimes find myself trying to find reasons to justify the actions of others directed at me and leading me to ask myself why was it that I was treated in a certain way. Is it simply because of how I look, act, and speak, that I’m short? Is it because of my skin color, my race? Maybe it has nothing to do with me. It’s just them.

When I was a freshman at UCSB a couple of decades ago, several of my hallmates discussed how we were accepted to UCSB. One of them told me I was born because of affirmative action and that he had other white friends who had better grades than me and did not get in. Somehow I still remember this situation probably because throughout my life since this occurred, I am reminded of the fact that I am still seen as inferior, and my accomplishments may have just been a result of tokenism. Maybe somehow, I did not earn them.

These negative experiences I’ve had pale compared to what other friends have told me. I’m fortunate I didn’t have to go through what they’ve gone through as persons of color, and here I am again, trying to minimize the negative impact these experiences have had on me, but sometimes, they get emotions out of me. Individual incidents probably don’t amount to anything, but when these things happen often enough in one’s lifetime, they become hard to ignore.